There were a number of tools in the old shed that could have been utilized as instruments of mayhem. For example, if Laszlo had looked over at the work bench, he would have seen a hammer, a railroad spike, several wood saws, and a hatchet. Even closer to him, lying in an open shelf near the ground, was an large mallet made of wood so hard and dense that it would actually sink in water. (This fact was something that the boys had learned one day after Erogenous threw the mallet into the creek trying to hit a pair of swans that happened to be paddling by. The mallet was reclaimed a couple weeks later at low tied by Joey who was mucking around for glass bottles. When Erongenous saw Joey with the mallet he accused him of stealing and punched him in the side of the head. And "'Oh shit' is right!" yelled Erongenous after the knock. "Take it again and I'll bash your damn nuts!")
Now Laszlo reached over and picked up the mallet. He stood up quickly and with a new sense of confidence that owed largly from the piece of hardwood in his hand. "You miserable little bastard!" he shouted before taking a wild swing at Erongenous' head. "Jack...Ass!" he screamed with another flailing lunge. The swings were all wiffs and the momentum of the pendulating mallet nearly carried Laszlo onto his butt. Nevertheless, it was enough to cause the boys to retreat towards the house. "Enjoy your gay marriage," BB yelled from well out of striking distance.
Laszlo returned to Joey who was smiling broadly. "Sit still while I undo this tape, Joey," he said. Joey smiled even wider and began purring like a cat again. "Oh fuck, please stop that," said Laszlo. "For Christ's sake." But Joey kept on purring and even pressed his cheek against Laszlo's hand as Laszlo attempted to unwrap the rope that Erongenous had tied around Joey's neck like a noose.
"It's not your fault, I guess," said Laszlo. "Your family is even more fucked up than mine."
Joey bounced his knees as if he were wagging his tail.
Laszlo finally got the rope loose enough for Joey to wiggle out. "You're free," he said. "Get up and go home."
Joey stood up sheepishly. He looked around the shed and then peered out the door to see if the boys were still around. He then pointed at the mallet and said something like "please, fuckface, please?" Laszlo nodded and handed Joey the mallet.
Joey cheered and jumped in the air. He then ran full speed from the shed all the way to his house, houling and cussing with glee, and smelling like piss and shit the whole way.
Meanwhile, Laszlo had crept into the house through the side door and scampered up the stairs. He had slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. He was now writing in his journel that he kept behind the toilet of all places.
"Today I saved the farting dogboy from near certain death at the hands of Erongenous. Maybe someday he'll save my life, though I seriously doubt it," he wrote.
After a few minutes, Laszlo put away the journal and got in the shower. He turned it on and washed the clumps of dogshit from his hair.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
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