Dumb and Dumber

As an attorney, I'm a terribly inefficient biller. It's not that I don't work enough billable hours. In fact, I think I work pretty hard and generally get things done. And I always bill enough at the end of the day. But I have the bad habit of not entering my time into my computer, or even jotting it down, contemporaneously while working. I usually wait until the end of the day to write down my time. Sometimes I'm even lazier than that and let a day or two go by before I jot my time down. The problem is that on the third day I often can't remember what I had done two days before. Inevitably, I forget to bill for things I did. At the end of the month, when my time entries have to be submitted, I have to compare all of my billing to my archived e-mails to see if any of my e-mails remind me of some project that I was working on that I forgot to bill for. There are always at least a couple things that I had forgotten to enter. The whole process of checking my e-mails and entering my time takes me about 6-7 hours at the end of the month. And I usually wait to start doing it until late in the evening the day before my billing is due.

Sometimes I even miss the deadline for submitting my billing to accounting, and for no good reason. I just hate entering it so much that I put it off and put it off. I go to sleep the night before it's due and convince myself that I'll go in early and be able to finish it by noon. By noon I'm never finished. Dave from accounting will then come by my office and say, "How's the billing coming along." I always say, "almost done." And he says, "ok," and gives me a dirty look and walks away. If Dave was allowed to hit me with a stick he probably would.

Priya can't understand why I just don't enter my time each day while I'm working so that I don't have so much drama at the end of the month. Every month I tell myself that I'm going to change and be an efficient biller. But I never do. I go right back to implementing incremental doses of billing procrastination that add up to a big ulcer in my stomach at the end of the month.

So I know that procrastination makes my life worse and I know that I should stop procrastinating, but I really feel helpless to do so. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Is it just a moral failing? A lack of willpower? Does it have to do with faulty wiring in my brain? Past drug use? Can I take a drug to make myself more task oriented?

I think I need to start jogging. Joggers are all weird type-A people who balance their checkbooks every month and keep records about oil changes and the fluid levels in their cars. I would give anything to be like that. I don't even know where my checkbook is right now. And I'm not even sure if the Prius needs oil.

Sometimes I wonder what it says about me that I have, on 3 separate occassions in the last 2 years, left a bar and gone home and gone to bed without realizing that I hadn't paid for my drinks/food or gotten my ATM card back from the bar.

What does it mean that I once ran out of gas in downtown Los Angeles and then, as I was waiting for AAA, locked my keys in the car?

I will never be able to live down the fact that I once accidentally gave a bag of my wife's dry cleaning to Good Will.

And worst of all, I will never forget that I once scored a basket on the wrong hoop during a high school basketball game. In case you want to know how it all went down, we had just started a new quarter and so the teams had switched baskets. The ball was inbounded to me under the opposing team's goal and there was a full court press on. I guess I forgot that we had switched sides and was confused by the press. I was also quite tired because I had just played in the JV game. (I was a sophomore and was only playing in the varsity game because my brother, John, the starting point guard, was ill and hadn't made the road trip). Anyway, I caught the ball and made a sweet drive to the hoop. I laid it up and in. The gymnasium was dead quiet for a moment as no one was quite sure what was happening. But then the whole place erupted into laughter and sarcastic applause. The opposing cheerleaders were right next to me underneath the basket. I made eye contact with one cute girl who was laughing hysterically. She quickly covered her face with her pom poms. I heard a whistle blow and realized the coach was pulling me right out of the game. I sat down on the bench and he threw a towel at my head, which drew more sarcastic applause and laughter from the crowd.

But I know I'm not the only one who does stupid things. If you have also done stupid things, why not share them here? I will feel much better about myself if you do.